Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Our adventurers, Flint, Thea, and Eulara, are in the Misty Forest.
They've been followed for a little while by a couple interesting characters.
My name is, uh, let's go with Will.
And you can call me Kelp.
We're, uh, trying to figure out what's going on with these dragon attacks in
this forest.
Oh, yeah.
Dragons.
We've seen some of those around here.
Um, I think it was, uh, what is it, a green one?
Yeah, he looked like a, like a mean old bastard.
Reburned off all the hair on my face.
Oh my god, I can't even imagine.
I think if you could, uh, do us a favor, maybe we could get you there.
What kind of problems are you having?
We want to go back to the fae.
There's this, uh, mean old, uh, do we call her, she's kind of, she's kind of
a bitch.
Her name is Avon, and we just want to go home.
You'd be helping all of the creatures of the fae.
I've read enough fantasy novels.
This is a very bad idea.
Let's do it.
Who tripped a trap?
Did you guys trip our trap?
I'm sorry, sir.
We tripped your trap.
Sorry about that.
Boss says, whoever trips the trap has to come say hi.
You all hear a loud and quick, the light seems to dim around you.
All right.
In that case, I'm going to take my, uh, action surge and attack them again.
Just for mouthing off.
As he's like, she's going to skin you alive.
And then you just, you just splat him.
As one does with an ax, yeah.
Brutus!
Noooooooo!
Avon briefly shows her form.
I'll use fairy fire.
So she can be seen and tracked?
Yeah, I'm just going to stab her.
She needs to sleep for four hours.
Her wings stop flapping and she falls to the ground.
Oh, we can just, we can just kill her.
Yep.
Is there no law?
She was just trying to kill us.
The only difference now is she's asleep.
So I feel like it's okay.
Okay, you do it.
Okay.
I make a little hole and I kind of shove the rapier in there.
What if, what if, I'll take the bottom half, you take the top half and then we could just
kind of like fluff her like you're doing your sheets, but like on, onto the, on the
rapier a couple times.
We can like kind of like throw her sideways like we're throwing a toddler.
Oh my god.
If the light comes back to her eyes, but then quickly leaves.
We'd like to show them the way.
You make it to the edge of Alton.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We are a fifth edition actual play podcast.
I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Amy More.
Yes I am.
And Carla Johnson.
I am her.
And Tom Laird.
He is me.
No character names.
We're incognito this game, I guess.
Yeah.
It's true.
You're not listening by now and you don't know who we are.
Go back to episode one.
Start at the beginning.
Have yourself and have yourself a journey.
Or just start at like episode three once we figure out the audio situation.
Or that.
Or just start at the last recap episode.
We're getting a lot of directions off the top here.
Do all of those things.
Actually just ignore what we say and you do you.
Yeah.
Do what you want.
And we're okay with that.
As long as it involves listening to us.
Yeah.
We want to be a part of your life.
Just Furnace.
I didn't know where to go from there.
Just Furnace.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
What day is it today?
It is March.
It's March.
March 14th.
Happy March everybody.
14th.
Two weeks into March.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
You can go check out the tiers and rewards over there.
What?
No nothing.
It's just tiers didn't pop into my mind as T-I-E-R-N.
It's so sad over there.
It is.
It's just sad over there.
You can see Russ's tears over on the Patreon page.
We're trying to make it a happy place.
Maybe there are joyful tears of disbelief that people are our patrons because we're
just a bunch of dinguses.
It's true.
That's how I feel every time we get someone.
Right?
Part of being a patron is you get a random episode dedicated to you.
Like today, he's been mentioned on the podcast before, but now he's a patron.
Ty Zuniga.
Thanks, Ty.
You're the best.
You are amazing.
You are one of the best.
And everybody else is also amazing.
Yes.
We don't have favorites.
No.
And I mean, if we did, they probably know who they are.
Yeah.
You know who you are.
I'm going to go message everybody all right now and say, you're my favorite
I'm going to go message everybody all right now and say, you're my favorite.
It was you.
We were talking about you.
Yeah.
I like that.
It was inside you all along.
Part of being on Patreon as well, which we announced before this episode, but we
will be doing a monthly hangout live stream.
We talked about it with each other and we put a little, put a little poll up on
Patreon and you guys, you guys want to see our faces and how awkward we are.
So, uh, towards the end of the month here, we'll host our first one.
And then every month after that, for about a half an hour, an hour, there'll be a
Patreon hangout for the tiers five, five dollars and up should be pretty special
because I have no idea the, like what my face does, like I have no, yeah, there's
a lot of expressions I make.
There's a lot of challenges here.
You can see my face already worries me.
This is a lot of editing to make us sound less awkward, which I know seems
unbelievable because we are so awkward anyway.
You should hear the raw audio.
And this will be unedited, us actually just, just soaking in the awkwardness.
Although maybe we're, we're usually pretty good until like the second we start
playing.
So maybe it'll be fine.
Let's have, let's think positively.
Because we won't be playing.
It'll just be bullshitting.
It'll all just be preamble.
It'll, yeah.
And then we'll just, you know, chat.
That's where we shine.
Once we hit the anvil.
I think it's going to be endearing.
I think our awkwardness attached to our faces might be endearing.
Oh, I hope so.
I'd be sad if we lose all our patrons and listeners once we do one of these.
No, just remember they voted for this.
It's what they want.
That's on them.
Give the people what they want.
Yep.
Oh goodness.
They decided it.
It's all good.
All their fault.
All right.
Shall we play some Dumbgeons and Dragons?
I don't think that's how it goes.
That sounds oddly formal.
No, we shall not.
Is that how we're starting things now?
Oh, I don't like it.
That's a weird.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to play Wizards of the Coast Dungeons and
Dragons, fifth edition.
Fuck it.
Let's play some D&D.
There we go.
Yeah.
That's more on brand.
Isn't it though?
You showed up at the city.
Altened.
Altened, where the settlement, where the elves are.
You had just turned around and looked behind you and Kel and Will, they're gone.
Thea has a Hybsil antler in hand.
You're like, how the fuck did I get this?
Yeah, it's slowly coming back to you, but your friends, they don't know quite
what's going on, you being of the Fae persuasion.
But Altened, as you turn back around and look upon the settlement, is much like the
last settlement you were in, where there are very few buildings or structures on the
ground level.
You look around and you see towards the center of this settlement there is a
clearing and in that there is a large statue of an elf in very woodland attire.
And you look up and much like the last one, there is a village in the trees.
And walking along string rope bridges between these different sites and
constructs are wood elves.
There are actually elves in this settlement.
What do you do?
Does it seem destroyed at all?
Or just normal?
Has the dragon been here or not at all?
Did they fight them off?
Good question.
And probably something I should have said first.
It appears, just looking at it, to have some damage to the city.
Some of the bridges are broken, some of the pulley elevator type situations,
the pulley systems have been damaged and destroyed, and it looks like there
has been much fleeing and scuffling about down on the ground floor.
But there are still people, so whether they escaped and have come back or
something else has happened is uncertain, but it looks like something
has happened here.
Is there any people on the ground floor with us?
And by ground floor I mean ground.
Not that you can see, no.
Can I go look at the statue and see if there's like a placard on it that tells me
anything?
Yeah, of course you can.
Great.
You walk over to the statue and it is carved out of what looks to be a bronze
type material.
And it is of a male elf dressed in very ranger-esque clothing.
So very woodsy, very outdoorsy type clothing.
And the placard on there says Adren.
Just the one name.
I can't remember what the guy's name was, you guys, but remember we're looking for
that guy, so I thought I'd better ask.
Nerenvane.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
No problem.
I couldn't remember and I only have one page of notes with me, not the whole
book.
I got my notes in front of me.
Sweet.
We're good.
Are we a way up?
Like to get to where I assume like the village part of the city is?
Yeah, as you've been walking around, you've kind of caught the attention of some of
the elves up on the higher level there.
And you walk towards one of the pulley systems and one of them calls down to
you and he says, excuse me, do you have business here?
We do.
We're, I'll just be blunt.
We're looking to fight a dragon.
We heard there was a dragon had been here and we want to find out what's
going on.
And we're supposed to be meeting our friend Delane here.
You've seen him?
Other non-elf kind of guy?
No, Delane, Delane has, let me, let me send down the, let me send down the
platform and we'll come up here so we don't have to yell at each other.
And he starts reefing on the rope and the pulley system comes down and I assume
you climb aboard.
Is this like the platform from Mad Max Fury Road?
Much smaller in scale, but yes, very similar to.
All right.
Yeah.
So yeah, you four climb aboard and are raised up to the tree top village.
And he says, I'm sorry, you four are?
We're the.
Classic.
The.
Okay.
You're the.
I'm Luana Moonbrook.
Nice to meet you.
Thea Amastasia.
LinFirebeard.
Yeah, yeah, I'm Thaddeus.
And you, sir?
My, my name is, is Gallenden.
And he said you were sent by, by Delane.
He hasn't been through in quite a while, but his, his, his agents of the Emerald
Enclave, they have been previously, not currently.
You are looking for the dragon, you said?
Well, yeah, that's the short version.
Yeah, we're looking for the dragon.
I mean, we generally are opposed to dragons in general.
So we wanted to see what was going on here.
We heard that a dragon was destroying villages and in fact have seen one.
And we want to help or want to know what's going on.
It seems like your village has taken a little bit of a hit here.
Can you tell us what happened?
Yes, yes.
I am not specifically from Altand.
I came from one of the other settlements.
There are, we, we were here recently hit by the green dragon and, and whoever is
controlling it.
There are some survivors.
I, I showed up after much of the cleanup had happened.
So, I mean, I only have kind of hearsay about what has been going around.
Perhaps you should find the warden, Gallen.
He, he was on hand when the dragon specifically hit.
And it's been, it's been said that he is one of the reasons why the dragon had left.
I'm sorry.
Your name is Gallenden and we need to find the warden name Gallend.
Gallen.
G-A-L-I-N.
And my name, yes, is Gallenden.
Okay.
That's not going to be confusing at all.
Don't worry.
You'll never talk to me again.
Oh.
Quite.
I am but, I am but a, I am but a long time pulley man.
So, I mean, you might see me on the way out.
We're what we call in the biz an expedition dump.
We are also, we're also looking for a friend of ours and Nerenvane.
Have you heard or seen?
Wait, is he our friend?
No, I was using the word friend.
Let's, let's try this.
We met Nerenvane's father and he said he would be here somewhere.
Do you know a Nerenvane?
We have, we have a message from his father.
That's better than what I said.
You're speaking of, of Nerenvane King Melandrich's lost son.
Yes.
That's the one.
Well, I mean, I have never met, met him in particular myself.
Being but a simple pulley man.
He often, you know, veers away from the pulleys and just.
He's a real anti-pullite.
He just uses the magic of the wind to carry him about.
So I heard, but he's been missing for quite some time.
I don't know why you would be looking for him in this specific instance.
Yeah, me neither.
I don't remember why we're looking for him guys.
Because he might be a bad guy or he might not be.
We don't know.
That was said out of character, not in front of the simple pulley man.
Do you know why you are here exactly?
No, no good.
We're here to help.
I wish I could help you more.
But as I said, I was not here when this direct attack happened.
He directs you towards a kind of towards the center of the settlement.
And if you walk that way, Galen, the warden, he is his establishment is over there.
And perhaps on the way you might find other people who have who were here when the attack happened.
Thank you for your help.
Anytime you need a pulley.
Sounded weirdly suggestive.
We clapped twice and he appears.
Well, I mean, you have to come back here.
I'm not allowed to leave.
I am on till about till about eight.
So, you know, catch me before then.
Next guy, he's a real bumpy ride.
OK, so we walk away from our friend that we'll never talk to again.
Never.
And I can fervor with my friends.
I turn back to look at Gallendale just one more time.
All right, I'm good.
So I guess, guys, we go find Gallen.
Seems like the next the next obvious.
Wait, how is everyone feeling?
Seriously, are you guys all fucked up?
I've lost some hit points in our last adventure.
But I'm not many that I worried about it.
Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.
I'm still full health.
Yeah, but we can always, you know, like, oh, yeah, I'm bloodied.
OK, I'm like straight up like half dead.
I guess two questions.
Russ, what time is it?
And is there an inn somewhere nearby so we can rest and get our hit points back?
Well, we do have a cleric in our group that could heal us.
Yeah, Thaddeus.
Thaddeus, pull your weight.
Hey, Thaddeus.
Yeah, Thaddeus, I keep forgetting is with us.
Any any champs that can do that voodoo you do?
I was kind of hoping we'd have a little nap.
But yeah, sure, I could do the voodoo.
Oh, nap totally works.
I just didn't know our timeline.
Yeah, no, it's.
You know what, guys?
No, we're probably going to end up napping anyway.
We're going to find this this warden and he's going to direct us to a good inn.
We're going to have a rest.
We're going to have a good talk.
It looks like this place has already been hit once.
It's probably not going to be.
Thea starts slamming her fist on on like a branch beside her like knock on wood.
Like it's probably not going to get hit again by the dragon.
Well, what time is it, though?
I mean, if it's nine a.m., we're probably not going to go lay down.
But if it's like nighttime, you were traveling for the bulk of the day.
So it's probably late afternoon.
I'd say, you know, if we're going off of GAlydindin's schedule,
you've got a couple hours before he's off the clock.
So he probably is like just about to take up his schedule.
I mean, he's just looking to get to the weekend, man.
Working for the weekend, as they say.
That's fair. That's fair.
I'm just thinking, like, in theory, we can just like go to the inn, eat some food, go to bed, wake up.
It's the next morning.
Let's go talk to Galen.
Sure. That's what you want to do.
Yep.
Perhaps you should find someone to direct you towards an inn, though.
That'd be good. We walk back over to GAlydindin.
He's not there anymore.
Oh, what?
What? He's on until eight.
My dwarf heart is breaking, Russ.
There's a new elf there.
Hey, Mr. Bumpy Ride.
His name's Carrick. What do you want?
Just kidding, Carrick.
We were wondering if you can direct us to an inn, a place we might rest for a while.
Yeah, of course.
If you head that way, and he points you in the direction and gives you directions across the rope bridges, he says,
you'll find a lovely inn named the Nimble-Fingered Homestead.
Ugh.
Is there another less creepily named inn?
Is there a non-sex inn we could stick in?
Well, I mean, you guys kind of looked like the kind of type. I don't know.
Nope.
Well, Flint, maybe. Maybe he's naked a lot of the time.
We could stay at the champagne room, because we all know there's no sex in the champagne room.
There is no sex in the champagne room.
So, I mean, you got the Nimble-Fingered Homestead, or you got Beefy Stews Beefy Stews.
Oh, yeah. Beefy Stews Beefy Stews all the way.
He is really hungry. Thea could go for Beefy Stews.
Okay, let's go to Beefy Stews Beefy Stew.
Alright, he gives you directions to Beefy Stews Beefy Stew.
And if you're looking to write that down, that's Beefy Stew is in the Man's Stew, who makes Beefy Stews.
Oh, no, we all got it.
Okay, I just wanted to make sure.
Oh, it was not lost on us.
Oh, goodness.
Okay, let's go.
You pull up and there's a sign that says Beefy Stews Beefy Stews.
And it's got one of those double swinging doors.
Like a saloon?
Like a saloon, and you go on in there and there's a...
A beefy looking guy with a name tag.
You know what?
Or is he really skinny, because that would be really great.
Is he standing over a pot of stew?
You don't normally see beefy elves, but this elf, he's a little bit beefy.
And he's tending to a pot on the stove.
And there are quite a few people in the establishment.
He doesn't notice you come in though.
Is there also a bar or just a giant stew pot?
Is it like in the middle of the room?
There's a giant stew pot behind what looks to be a counter of some sort.
It's like one of those kitchen theater restaurants, but it's just one dude with a pot.
But Gordon Ramsay will still bust in and just start screaming at him,
making all the patrons really uncomfortable.
I go up to the counter, where I see...
Is there anyone else?
Is there a diminutive Tim at the counter?
As a matter of fact, no, there's not.
It appears to be a family establishment, and there's a few different families.
One of them sitting at the counter there,
as well as what you can assume to be beefy stew,
stirring his stew, who turns around and looks at you and says,
Gordon Ramsay, come in there.
What can I get for you?
I guess some of your delicious stew and rooms for the night, if you have them.
I walk up and I say, and an ale, if you have it.
Oh yeah, I'll take one of those too.
Yeah, of course, I'll get you...
Okay, stews all around and...
And brews.
Stews and brews.
Stews and brews. Gonna change my name.
Name a restaurant to suit their beefy stews.
Don't you dare.
Stews and brews.
Beefy stews and beefy brews.
All right, coming right up in a set of rooms here.
Okay, I'll be right back.
And he goes into a back room.
Yeah, the family sitting beside you at the counter there.
They look over to kind of nervously and then back to their meal.
I look over and I say, how's the beefy stew?
It's as can be expected.
But it is the best stew in town.
So, I mean, we come often.
Where do you keep the cows up in this tree?
This beefy stew.
You don't want to know.
It's not beef.
There are some questions we don't ask.
Fair, that's fair, that's fair.
We come through town to meet a friend and see if we might help with this, you know,
dragon problem that seems to be plaguing these woods.
You've come to aid us.
They've been taking out settlements.
We are but a mishmash of pretty much all the settlements from the Misty Forest now here in Alton.
There aren't many wood elves left.
A couple settlements further south and one more that we know of to the far east.
How has Alton managed to stay standing?
Well, it's difficult.
You know, for some it might be difficult to say, but we were attacked not too long ago
and we really, we were saved by our village warden.
I don't know if you've heard of him, Gowan.
He, our priest went out to try and stop the dragon and to try and stop the people coming
and destroying our village and killing our people.
And the priest was killed.
But Gowan, he was in the thick of the fight and he seemed to survive unscathed.
And after he went down into the fray, everyone left.
So he is the reason that we are here today.
The attackers left when he went down into the fray.
Yes.
Is Gowan particularly strong or particularly magical?
Why, why would they leave?
Why would the fighting stop?
It's, it's, no one would describe him as particularly strong, I don't think.
I don't, I don't know exactly how he did it or if he convinced them or if he did something.
But all we know is that he went down and they turned away.
What a hero.
He must, was he, he must be much beloved in your city then.
He is, he is highly revered for saving those who he could at that, at that moment.
Do you know where we may find him?
Um, yes, yes, of course.
He lives just up the way there and they give you directions very much the same as GAlydindan did.
Uh, was he much loved before this incident as well?
He was a large part of the settlement, um, in the day-to-day and making sure everyone was taken care of.
Um, he, he himself has since the attack, um, lost a lot as well.
His, his wife was killed in the attack and he right now seems to be suffering from the weight of this new leadership role.
The priest was previously in charge of the, of the entire settlement, um, and he after this was next in line of sorts.
But yes, previously he's, he's friend to all.
You're lucky to have him.
That we are.
Um, as you're having this conversation, Beefy Stew comes back with, uh, with your Beefy Stews and Beefy Brews.
And, uh, tosses you some room keys.
How long are you staying there?
At, at least one night and maybe more.
We're, we're waiting for a friend to meet us here.
Of course. Yep. Yep. So let's stay as long as you need.
We don't have a lot of people coming through these parts here.
Thank you.
Of course. If anything, if you need anything else, just, just, just keep a hauler.
I start tucking into the stew.
Thea, are you particularly hungry?
You didn't even give Beefy Stew the old up and down eyeball maneuver you give most people.
You know, throughout the battles, Thea has significantly calmed down sexually.
It's true.
I think she's just really tired. You know, all this fighting takes a toll on a person.
Yeah, you are bloody right now.
And maybe she's becoming a little more, a little more discerning in her, in her choices of, uh, you know.
That's fair.
You know what? I, I think she's actually, she's holding a bit of a torch for, uh, for Salazar.
Yep. That makes sense. That makes sense.
Uh, how's our stew, DM? Is it delicious? Am I really enjoying it?
It is, uh, it is a, it is very good. It's very good stew.
It's perhaps not the best stew you've ever tasted.
Um, but it is, uh, probably top six. Top six stew.
Oh, top six stew.
It's pretty good. It's pretty good.
It's very rich and it has lots of big, big chunks of vegetables and meats, which you would hope to find in a stew.
Um, but yeah, you, I would say you'd, you know, give it a good Yelp rating and recommend it to all your friends.
All right. Thea's tired. Thea has plowed through the soup and is yawning.
Like, like almost like comically, like, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm on board. Let's, let's go to our rooms.
Tuck in, go to bed and wake up the next day, fully refreshed.
Perfect.
Oh baby.
Ah, that feels so good.
Ready to take on the adventure.
Uh, well, let's, uh, break our fast with some leftover stew, I assume.
Oh yeah. He's got breakfast stew.
Is that oatmeal? What's breakfast stew?
Cereal?
It's got eggs.
Do you mean cereal?
Probably sausage.
Yeah.
Sausage, eggs.
Yeah. Just mix it all together.
In some broth.
Are we just talking about a scramble here?
Sounds delicious.
Yeah. In a, in a, in a meaty broth.
In a thick gravy. Delicious.
Sounds like a nice take on eggs, Benedict.
Yep.
So good.
Let's go talk to Galen.
Uh, you follow the directions of both people who you've asked for them,
and you make your way to a modest dwelling suspended among iron-strong bows.
You come up and it's an open-air concept.
Um, there's no real doors, but yeah,
you come to what you assume is the front entryway there.
I, uh, got some extra breakfast stew to go and brought that with us for now.
Oh, that's nice. Good thinking. Good thinking.
Oh, wow.
Very considerate, Flint.
Uh, I guess we-
Might do it again.
Knock on, I don't know, a pillar.
I don't know what open air means.
I feel like we just wandered into a living room.
But we stop at what seems like the entrance and knock.
Yeah, you knock and you hear from inside.
Yes, yes, yes, come in.
And we do.
And you enter into the dwelling and you enter into a cozy sitting room,
which is where the voice was coming from.
And a slim elf sits at a desk and he stands up to greet you
and seems to have kind of a forced smile
as a raven perched in a nearby cage cause hideously.
And he says, uh, welcome to our village.
How can I be of service?
Galen, I assume?
Yes, yes.
I heard there were some travelers coming through
and I assume that's you.
It must be.
Is there something I can help you with?
Well, I'm new Laura. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Galen.
And he shakes your hand.
Thea is mesmerized by this.
You said it was a raven?
Yes.
In the cage.
I'm getting a really uneasy feeling about it.
You know, it does seem strange.
Is there anything I notice about the raven?
It seems like it's maybe a pet raven.
It's calling pretty consistently.
It's an interesting pet you have.
What is your raven's name?
Franklin.
It's a dwarf. It's very endearing.
He's awfully loud.
I put my hand forward to shake his and I say, my name is Thea.
Yes, since the dragon attacks, he's been a touch on edge.
And it's been difficult to calm him down when new people come around.
If only someone had animal handling.
I do!
I walk forward and hand him the stew and say, have you tried this breakfast stew?
It's out of this world.
Flint Fire Reader, nice to meet you.
Oh, yes, beefy stews.
I recognize the lovely breakfast stew.
Nice to meet you, Flint.
And Thaddeus seems to be just kind of standing by the doorway.
I walk over to the bird and I look at the warden and I say, may I?
Yes, yes, of course.
And I'm going to use my animal handling to like...
Unless you're going to eat it, then no.
May I eat your bird?
No.
That's what most people mean when they look at a pet and go, can I?
May I? I can stop this noise.
Strange things have been happening.
Do what you will.
As long as it's not eating my bird.
He's really made a weird vibe in the room now.
Yeah, he has created something quite strange.
Also, isn't it like some really bad juju to eat a raven?
Yeah, at least with crows, if you kill one, then the other ones remember you.
I think that's most birds, actually.
Anyway, I use my animal handling to try to calm the bird down so it stops screaming.
Sure, you got to roll for that?
Yeah, I'm going to roll some dice.
22.
Tell me how you calm down Franklin.
I walk toward the bird with my palms out.
I just start kind of like whispering to him.
And I slowly open the cage and put my hand in for him to hop on.
And I stroke his feathers and I just...
Calm, buddy, calm.
And it takes a minute, but yeah, you manage to calm Franklin down
from the hideous cawing that is coming from him.
I put him gently back inside his cage and give him a little do-do-do on the top of his head.
And I close the cage.
He starts hideously calling you.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, he hates that.
He doesn't like to be treated to look down upon with little scratches on it.
No, it's fine.
Okay, good.
So Galen says, I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with?
We're in town looking, waiting to meet with our friend Delaine
and just wanted to see if we could help with anything.
We have some experience fighting dragons and helping settlements that need assistance.
And since it seems like you're in charge, we thought we'd see if there was something we could do
or if not, at least introduce ourselves.
Yes, yes, of course.
Well, I mean, I can tell you what I can recall from the attack.
Maybe that will give you some clue as to where you can go next.
And he begins to tell you about the attack that occurred.
And he says, the dragon swooped down and attacked on the ground first.
Nearly half of the village died during the first assault.
It was after that that humans in Regalia, many wore a deep purple.
They had an insignia that I believe was from the cult of the dragon
followed in behind and started killing people as they tried to flee
that the dragon did not catch up to.
Our priest, he went down to try to reason with anybody who was in charge
and he himself was killed by the dragon in his attempts to halt their attacks.
The attack lasted only a short while and then the dragon, it unexpectedly retreated
and the cultists followed.
But as they fled, they took nothing really of value from the village.
It just seemed they came in to kill our people, not to gain anything from it.
I'm really sorry to hear that you've suffered such a loss.
Thank you. Thank you.
Do you know of King Melandric's son?
King Melandric's son? The missing one? Or the not?
The missing one.
Of course. Yes, we've all heard stories of Naren Vane,
but he hasn't been seen in quite some time.
As he's saying this, make an insight check.
Nat 20.
What?
Yeah, he doesn't seem to be making eye contact with you
during any of what he's telling you about King Melandric or his son.
And you're not sure what he might be withholding, but you sense that he's withholding something.
So you've heard stories of Naren Vane, but you have not seen him around here?
No.
You have not heard tales of him being here?
Because we have under fairly good authority that he is in this forest.
If he is in this forest, I have not seen him. I don't know who...
It's hard to see anything when you're staring at the ground.
I did not invite you here at all. You come, you show up, you question me.
In my own house, in my own settlement, who do you think you are?
We're the people here to help save you from this dragon, but if you don't give us the truth,
there's nothing we can do for you.
As you say that, you hear a voice come from outside the building.
It sounds like it's a small voice, but very gruff.
And she says, hey boss, I tried to find those papers you were looking for, but I didn't find them.
And he says, oh, shit. Yes, yes, come in, come in, flamekins.
And in walks a female goblin dressed in, how do I describe it, kind of like swashbuckler attire.
Like puss in boots.
Except not naked.
Sure, but not naked. Yeah, it's got clothes on.
Amazing.
And she walks in and she senses the tension in the room.
And she's like, oh, did I walk? Okay, what's going on in here?
We're here to help. We're trying to find a man named Narenvain.
I haven't heard the name myself. I'm kind of new to these parts though.
Where are you from?
I was on a ship. We were a merchant ship.
And now, you know, I just felt like I needed to try something new, something different.
So me and a group, we wandered in here to the Misty Forest, and then all these dragons attacks started happening.
And I found these fine folks, and Galen here was willing to put me to work.
Bet you were wishing you were still on that ship.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's dangerous out there too, but the dragons weren't swooping over our heads all the time.
I turn back towards Nularaaa and Flint and I go, remember that time we were on a boat with Larry?
Yeah. Remember we played that really neat dice game?
Hey, do you know that dice game that you play on boats?
I ask her.
You know that dice game?
I know many dice games. I know many dice games.
There's one very difficult one that nobody seems to get, so we don't play it all that often.
Maybe sometime. Maybe sometime.
She says, well, if you don't need me now, Galen, I'll just go down to get some stew from stews.
And maybe I'll see you guys. Maybe I'll see you guys around.
What's your name?
It was nice to meet you, Flammokins.
Flammokins. Flammokins.
Flammokins.
Yes.
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.
And she hops off.
And Galen returns to a bit of a scowl, and he's like, if there's no other questions, I believe we're done here.
Galen, we want to help. We've been fighting the Cult of the Dragon for a long time, and it seems they're behind this attack.
So I think we maybe got off on maybe the wrong foot, but we are here to help.
We're at Beefy Stews, if you think of anything else that might help us stop this.
And she hands him our card, which says...
Which says...
Nothing.
For a good time, call Nulara.
I don't think it would say that.
He seems slightly less on edge and just kind of slumps back into his chair, and he says, I'm sorry.
In this dragon attack, I've seen many friends die.
I've seen my wife at the hands of the dragon die.
For you to come in here and question my ability to stand up for my city is an insult.
You've been doing a wonderful job for this city.
The people we have talked to speak irreverently about you.
I just feel like there's maybe more to the story that, once you're ready, you could share with us and we would be able to help each other.
I have told you all I can.
A liar.
Make an insight check.
I'm gonna insight.
Insight the shit out of this.
13.
You feel that he may be telling you the whole truth.
Okay, so now I feel like he may be telling the whole truth, although he hasn't given any extra information from what he's given before.
I don't like this.
Smells fishy.
Thank you for your time.
We'll take our leave.
We'll be at Stu's if you think of anything else.
I shake his bird cage.
No, I don't.
Motherfucker.
Is it a parrot or is it a raven?
That's a raven who talks like a parrot, obviously.
I'm just kidding.
I don't do that, but I want to a little bit, but then I'm extremely ashamed of myself because, like, nature and shit, right?
Obviously.
I guess we go, like, so we leave.
Guys, what should we do here?
I mean, we're waiting for, like, I don't know, he's in charge.
He doesn't seem to need our help.
And really, I don't know what we can do if, I mean, you know, if there's an attack, we can attack.
Thaddeus stops you and he says, we let's head back to Beefy Stu's.
That goblin gave me the heads up that we should go talk to her.
And he's still not telling the truth.
I knew it.
Thaddeus, are you psychic?
I just rolled a higher insight than she did.
No, that totally makes sense.
I was just like, how did that happen?
Has he been reading our thoughts this whole time?
Yes.
Hey there, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for episode 34 of Dumbgeons and Dragons titled Welcome to Altant.
If you enjoy what we're doing and you want to be more involved in the community of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
I invite you to check out our Patreon page, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
There you'll be able to see the many awesome tiers and rewards that are available to you.
Some of those rewards include amazing bonus episodes,
DM'ed by Tom Laird following the adventures of the Tabaxi Bard,
Opal Light Brightcliffs, the Goliath Barbarian,
Gael Nighthunter Ogallakanu,
and the Asimar Monk, Elia Strong,
as they have stumbled their way into a game of the gods.
A new episode is released on the 15th of every month,
and as of tomorrow, there will be seven episodes available for you to binge through,
so go check that out.
And starting March 22nd, and then again every month,
we'll be hosting a patrons-only livestream Google Hangout at the $5 tier and up,
where you can come hang out with the whole cast of Dumbgeons and Dragons
and chat about the show, the game, and whatever else comes to mind.
We're really looking forward to spending that time with you.
Another Patreon reward is naming an NPC, which in this episode is Flamikins,
named by Kat Waterflame, so thank you Kat for Flamikins.
I think we're going to have a lot of fun with her character here.
So again, if any of that sounds good to you,
please check us out at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
If you want to find us on social media,
all of our links can be found on our website, dumbdragons.com,
and I would especially encourage you to join us over on our new Facebook group.
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sharing stories we have about playing D&D and other RPGs.
It's a small group, but getting bigger every week,
and there are a ton of amazing people to chat about the game and the show with right now.
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description below.
The next episode will be out March 28th,
but let's dive back into the tale with Flint, Thea, and Nulara,
and see if we can't figure out where to go next in the Misty Forest.
Have a great couple weeks. We'll talk to you soon.
Well, at least I think we got off on the right foot with little Flammikins.
So you head back to Beefy Stews, and you go in there,
and you see Stew, and you see Flammikins.
Fuck. Flammikins.
Is it Flammikins?
Her name is Flammikins.
Get it right.
I know. Flammikins.
And she hops up out of her chair and runs over and says,
You guys, are we going on an adventure or what? Holy shit.
I want out of here.
Oh, my God. I love your enthusiasm.
Great.
I immediately feel like a kindred spirit to this Flammikins.
I very much like her.
So what did he say? Did he say how he's been going out late at night and shit?
Like, fuck, I don't know what he's doing out there.
I feel like she's very loud in the, like, any way.
Oh, yeah. She's boisterous.
So I just shh and I kind of bring us over to like a corner booth.
Is there like a?
Sure.
Sure. Yeah.
Like, you know, somewhere a little more less like standing in the middle of it.
Stew, send us over some stew.
Yeah, you got to have privacy at Beefy Stews.
You got to eat your stew in peace.
He was lying the entire time, Flammikins. He was.
Well, I mean, I don't I don't know exactly what he told you.
So I can't tell if he was lying the entire time.
But I mean, he I mean, he did see a lot of the villagers die and stuff and his wife did die.
But I mean, he I've been kind of hired by him to, you know,
take care of some paperwork and just run an errands for him, really.
But yeah, he sneaks out just about every night is what I've seen.
I tried to follow him one night, but kind of lost him.
So I don't know where he's been going, but he's been going somewhere.
Is he a bad man or is he everyone seems to like him?
Do you like him?
I mean, I wouldn't I wouldn't peg him as a as a bad man,
but he's got something something below the surface going on that it doesn't quite add up to some of the stories that he's been telling.
I mean, the dragon didn't just disappear.
From what I hear, the dragon wiped out entire settlements.
It's true.
And then this one, they just leave some leave some folks just hanging about.
Do you think he made a deal with the dragon?
Made a deal with me?
That's possible. Maybe made a deal with somebody.
I mean, there were a lot of from from what they told me, there's a lot of a lot of humans running about.
And maybe one of them was actually in charge and he just happened to catch the right one.
I don't know.
And he I mean, he sneaks out about about about the same time.
Oh, you know, you know, there's this thing they call like a sting operation.
You just you set up and you follow them.
Uh huh. Uh huh.
And you see who he's meeting with.
I like it.
I like what you're putting down, Flamikins Kins.
I like it a lot.
Good.
Oh, this is this is what I got off the boat for.
Alrighty.
Is there anybody else from your boat still in the in the village?
Uh, no, no, we kind of got separated.
We came originally to a different settlement.
A lot of the people who came with us, they just kind of scattered.
We lost each other and I ended up here.
Good thing for us.
Good thing for everybody.
Beefy stew brings you over your stews.
Thanks, Stu.
I'm already eating it.
He's like when...
Flamikins Kins, can I ask you two more questions?
You can ask me all the questions.
What?
Except that question.
Uh oh.
I'm just kidding.
Any anything interesting in the paperwork he's got you shuffling?
No, I mean, not really.
It's just regular like day to day.
Just warden-y day to day?
Taxes, wardens.
You know, there's been a lot of deaths, so there's some death certificates.
I mean, really, it's just moving papers from one place to the other.
Not really a merchant's life.
Second question.
What times, Galen, head out?
How are we going to...
When we're doing the sting operation is what I'm asking.
It's always kind of in the middle of the night about just after like the midnight hour.
So you guys want it tonight?
Absolutely.
Let's do this.
All right.
He's hiding something and whether or not it's, you know, malicious intent or not, I think it's something we need to know.
I think it's something that'll help.
Also, what else are we doing?
Right?
So it's currently 9 a.m.
What do we do for the next 15 hours?
Just give me like a point form, things you want to do in Altand.
And that's what you do for the next...
Thea walks around like just spreading a little bit of cheer.
So like seeing people working, like rebuilding things, bringing them cold drinks, helping hoist stuff.
And just generally talking to people and keeping things light in a gloomy situation.
Pedaling her merch.
I want to ask someone about...
Right, there it comes.
I want to ask someone about Adren.
You know, he of the statue down below.
Anybody in particular you want to approach?
There's lots of people kind of just working about and going about their day.
Is there...
I'm a very loyal Beefy Stew's Beefy Stew's customer.
Sure.
But is there another...
Is there like a tavern or anything I could go into?
Yeah, of course.
Beefy Stew hears about it.
He sees you leave and he's like...
He knows you're going to the Clock and Hen.
The Clock and Hen?
I was just going to say that.
The Clock and Hen?
Is it?
Yep.
Okay.
Yep.
Okay.
I go into the Clock and Hen.
Yep.
And go up to the bar and order an ale and sit down.
Sure.
And what's the bartender like?
Bartender is a female elf and she hands you your ale and says,
You're new around these parts.
What has you coming through in such a time as people are trying to all leave?
Well, a couple things.
We're waiting to meet a friend here and...
Well, we're kind of...
My friends and I make a habit of trying to wreck the plans of this Call to the Dragon.
We're here trying to get a little bit more information.
See if we can't, you know, kill some of them.
Well, we would greatly appreciate that.
My name is, when I find it I will tell you,
Don't move on Vedanya.
That sounds like a good song.
Yeah.
Song to the tune of Come On Eileen.
My name is Vedanya.
Nice to meet you.
And you are?
Sorry, you might have said already.
Nulara.
Nice to meet you.
Vedanya.
Hey, I'm curious about that statue down on the ground.
Adren, is it?
Adren, yes, yes.
He was the founding member of Altand here.
He was the one to find the site and bring other wood elves here with us.
And that's our commemoration of him.
He was an adventurer at heart and when he decided it was time he settled his people here.
And that is just us remembering him.
Was that many generations ago?
It was quite some time ago.
You know, us elves live quite a long time.
Quite a lot longer than you human folk.
But yes, it was several hundred years ago.
Only several hundred years ago?
Several hundreds of years ago.
Oh.
It's in the thousands, you know.
Yeah.
Hundred hundreds.
One hundred hundred.
One hundred hundred years ago.
Any other tourist sites I should see while I'm here?
I mean, we don't like to recommend our competitors.
But have you tried Beefy Stew's Beefy Stew?
You know, I have.
And that is some good stew.
Some good stew.
Excellent, excellent.
Well, no, no.
Just make yourself at home here and if you need anything you let me know.
Otherwise, anybody here would be glad to discuss anything with you.
Great.
Thanks, Vedanya.
Hey, hey, one other thing.
What's...
How about that warden?
We met him and I got...
I don't know, he seemed nice but I got kind of a weird vibe.
What's his story?
Galen?
Well, he...
I mean, he's been going through, I mean, some of his own problems.
Having lost his wife obviously is quite a large problem.
He's kind of thrust into this leadership role.
I noticed he's been a little more tucked away than he usually is.
Usually he is out and about and he's been kind of hiding away in his house there.
But, I mean, we just kind of assumed that he's dealing with the stresses of the events that occurred.
That seems reasonable.
Hey, thanks, Vedanya.
Of course.
Flint, what are you doing?
I'm going to go sharpen my axes.
Okay.
Is that a euphemism?
Because that's gross.
Well, guilty as charged.
So you're finding a blacksmith?
Yeah, no, that one.
Or a brothel?
A blacksmith slash brothel, yep.
It's a dangerous thing to be.
It's this economy, guys, you got to multitask.
Blacksmith and naked, it just doesn't seem...
No, it seems very dangerous, very bad idea.
You ask around and you find that there's just one blacksmith in town and in fact they call it just blacksmiths.
Yeah, solid naming.
Yep.
It's hitting the nail on the head.
I mean, it's direct, it's to the point, it's minimalist, I'm on board.
And you're heading there and there's just one elf.
One elf working in there and calls over to you and says, welcome, what can I do for you?
I got a little downtime here, I was wondering if I could sharpen my axes in your smith.
Smith-a-rino?
Yeah, we don't usually run into a lot of people who can smith themselves, but...
I don't think we're using that word right, you guys.
Jonathan, if you're listening, fix this for us, please.
No, it's fine, it's fine.
There's no rules on what you have to call a blacksmith, but yeah, help yourself, I suppose.
Awesome, thanks, if there's any projects you need to hand with, I'm pretty good, I'll help you out.
You're like that Flint always just looks for some freelance smithing work.
Little odd jobs here and there.
That's kind of sweet.
Sure, sure, where are you from?
Originally from the Grey Peak Mountains, but our family moved and set up shop in Mithril Hall.
Oh, from the higher up dwarven settlement there, good, good.
So, did you work as a smith there? Is that why you know your way around the tools?
No soldier all through and through, but I've kind of picked up smithing in my last couple years here.
I've been liking to think I'm getting pretty good at it.
Excellent, excellent.
He tosses you a blade and doesn't warn you about it, so make a dexterity check.
Kind of rude.
14.
You catch it, quite fine, he says, give that a sharpen.
I will do so.
Roll a smith tools check there.
Roll a honing check.
I'm honing in on it, it's a 26.
Oh, you sharpen that motherfucker, and he looks at it and says, so you live in here now?
Is that what's happening?
No, no, no, no, no.
We're just going through, we're on our way to hunt some dragons.
You guys have been having a bit of a problem, but yeah, we're just here for a couple days.
Yeah, problem to say the very least.
Well, take as much time as you need, sharpen as many things as you'd like.
We're going to need some sharp blades here, I feel, coming very, very soon.
Oh yeah, what makes you say that?
Well, I mean, it's just, most of the other settlements, they were completely wiped out.
Yeah, it's kind of weird that you guys weren't, hey?
And we weren't, and I mean, there was rumors kind of floating around
that the dragon was being ridden or controlled by someone.
Whoa, what?
And yeah, I mean, it's just rumors.
No one has a firm grasp on who it was or exactly what they were wearing or who they were.
But there's rumors that the dragon was being ridden by somebody, by a humanoid creature.
Oh, this is interesting.
Yeah, I mean, some people firmly believe it, others aren't quite so sure.
There was a lot going on.
I mean, I'm one that, you know, I thought I saw somebody there.
But again, we were all fleeing as quick as we could.
So who's to say, you know, unless we were to see them again, of course.
Fair enough. I appreciate the heads up on there.
Somebody might be riding the dragon. That's new information to us.
Well, I hope it brings you some aid in whatever battle you have coming towards yourself, if you have one.
Oh, we always seem to have one.
Aha, adventuring types then. Good.
So, yeah, I guess I finish up and head back to tell my crew what I found out.
Sure. Yeah, you guys all meet back up.
I relay all the information to them.
Then I have a quick nap, eat some more stew.
Now it's eleven thirty and I put on my cat burglar outfit.
Oh, yeah, there we go.
Flammokins, she gives you a place to kind of meet.
That's a little bit of ways from where Galen was seen by her.
And you guys go meet there, the four of you.
I guess do all four of you go.
Do you bring Thaddeus or do the three of you just go?
I don't know. What's Thaddeus doing?
We haven't heard much from him.
Thaddeus has just been chilling.
He's like, you guys, you guys seem to got this.
You let me know when you need me.
But I mean, if you want me there, I'll I'll be there.
I think it might be good not to have somebody there to have someone who knows where we are.
If we're not back at a certain time, come find us kind of business.
Please alert the authorities.
Yeah, sure.
Thaddeus stays behind a beefy stews and you guys go to the meeting spot where Flammokins told you to meet.
And you look around and she's not there at the moment.
Guys, are we being set up?
I'm going to cast Pass Without a Trace on us.
Sure.
So we're like super stealthy.
It's the short version.
Super stealthy.
Yeah.
As you as you cast Pass Without a Trace, you hear from behind you coming from what you thought was a tree.
You hear, hey, hey, hey, I'm back.
I'm back here.
Shh.
Come over here.
And you turn around and you don't see anybody, but you hear the direction that the voice is calling and you head back a little ways.
And she drops whatever spell she has on her.
And she's just blended in with the surrounding.
And she's like, I like your cat burglar outfit, but don't worry.
I can just cast Seeming on us and we'll just blend into the surroundings.
Oh, well, even better.
So now we're like extra wicked.
We've all got stealthy spells.
Extra wicked, super stealthy.
So she could see us even though we had Pass Without a Trace.
Pass Without a Trace does not make you invisible.
Right, right, right.
It just makes you super stealthy.
Yes, right.
But yes, she was there waiting for you anyway.
So she saw you come up.
Russ has done his homework on Pass Without a Trace.
You'd better believe it.
It's not an invisibility.
There is invisibility.
Yes.
It just masks us from detection.
We can't be tracked and we get super bonuses to stealth.
Yeah, you get like a plus 10 or something to your stealth checks.
So basically you can't fail stealth is essentially what it is.
I guess you can still crit fail.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't.
If you roll a one, I still let you add on your modifier for a check though.
So you should still be OK.
So she's like, OK, well, he's he's probably going to be down here soon.
So let's just head out.
OK.
Yes, she leads you and you guys are all super stealthy heading through the trees.
And you catch a glimpse a ways up ahead there, but of a cloaked figure heading away from the settlement.
She's like, there he is.
But as you continue to follow him, he steps into an open clearing.
And she's like, OK, get get down, get down.
And she casts seeming on the four of you.
For all intents and purposes, you guys are our bushes just kind of setting by the side there.
Gallan is pacing around this this open clearing and looking up at the stars that you can see through.
And she keeps checking the sky and looking around and pacing around.
And she's like, he's I don't he's been doing this for I don't know how long you guys what you guys want to do here.
But I see we just wait him out.
Yeah, I was going to say, wait patiently.
We're not so much of a sting operation right now as we are just a stakeout.
Yes.
Sure.
So he paces around for what seems like the better part of an hour.
And he's getting increasingly nervous and openly frustrated by the fact that whoever he's waiting for has not shown up.
And then he gives one last look to the sky and then he throws his arms down and then starts heading back towards the settlement.
Crazy. I guess we follow him back. Yeah.
You keep being stealthy and you follow him back to the settlement and he heads directly back to his house.
Do we want to go confront him now or go back the next day?
Maybe next day we might get a better idea of what's going on if we can kind of catch them in the act rather than trying to force him.
Oh, I see. Like follow him again the next day.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe we'll see.
Maybe what he's waiting for will finally show up.
Yeah, you're right.
Like, I want to see what's going on.
I want to see it.
He's obviously not telling us something.
Exactly.
He's looking at the sky.
A dragon is fucking coming.
And is his wife riding it?
Why do they keep saying his wife died?
What's up with that?
It's tragic.
I don't want to keep hearing about it.
I hate hearing about other people's pain.
If everyone could just stop, that'd be great.
So you head back to Beefy Stews and Thaddeus is sitting there waiting.
So what did you find?
Fucking nothing. Guy didn't have anything waiting for him.
No, but he was waiting for someone or something to come down from the sky.
Did you see him looking up?
Yeah, I mean, he was clearly waiting for somebody,
but whoever must have caught wind that, you know, maybe the jig was up
or maybe they just had other things going on and didn't tell him.
I don't know.
I have a feeling from the look of frustration on his face
that this is not the first time.
I think he's been going back.
I don't think anyone's been coming.
Thaddeus says, so what are we going to do?
Well, follow him again tomorrow.
I mean, it's got to be the dragon or maybe Nerenvane, right?
That's when he was acting all sketchy is when you were asking him about Nerenvane
and someone said Nerenvade flies on the clouds or something,
something poetic like that.
But unless we catch him, how do we know?
Thaddeus kind of has this look of consternation.
And he says, well, it's not what he always looks like.
Yeah, no, it's more so this time.
He's like, fuck.
And he gets up and he walks out of the building.
I think he's too close to this, you guys.
I guess we should probably follow him.
He's heading directly towards Galen's house.
Oh, I want to see where this turns out.
Yeah.
He goes in and you're following a bit behind.
And you walk into the sitting chamber where you originally met Galen.
And Thaddeus has Galen up against a wall by the scruff of the neck, screaming at him.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
The Snuggly Duckling.
Oh, that sounds nice.
Yeah, sure, the Snuggly Duckling.
Perfect.
Can you name it the Snuggly Duckling?
I think you can and did.
That's from the movie Tangled.
Oh, fuck.
Isn't he going to come in here and sue us?
I don't think so.
Maybe.
I don't want that shit.
I had stew for dinner without a word of a lie.
Really?
It was a pork stew, but still it was stew.
Wow, that's kind of amazing.
What stew?
It was a pork stew, pork and vegetables.
I heard horse, which I wouldn't judge you for.
Horse stew.
Good ol' horse meat.
Tom's family's very European.
Gonna wait till the midnight.
That's a good one.
We used to sing that on the boat.
We made it one hour before a song got sung, I think, because I couldn't find Franklin.
So, wow.
I couldn't let that one slide.
It had to happen.
Whoa.
That's crazy.
What's he screaming?
Well, we'll find out next time on Dumbgeons & Dragons.
Same dumb time.
Same dumb channel.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.